Category Archives: Kingston

Ice, Ice Baby

Winter, it would seem, is well and truly here. I am basing this purely on the heinous amount of snow outside. Of course, this isn’t entirely unexpected – it’s been brass-monkeys cold for a while now. I’m not a religious guy, but on Saturday, with my hands purple and aching with cold, I had cause to thank God for Primark and their inexpensive gloves. Later that day I took the terrible photo above, showing that City Road Basin in Islington was partially frozen.

Back in “The Day,” (i.e. up until about the mid-20th century) frozen canals and rivers were a serious issue. Canals in particular, which don’t flow like a river, were vulnerable to icing up. This had obvious economic consequences for trade, particularly before the advent of decent roads and railways. The low-tech but cunning solution was to apply brute force and a certain amount of wiggling. This was achieved using the canal icebreaker, or ”rocker,” as they were known in the business.

The rocker was like a shortened narrowboat, but instead of a cargo area, it simply had a long bar. The bow sloped upwards. A team of men would stand either side, holding on to the bar. When the rocker came to ice, the bow would ride up on top of the ice and the men would rock back and forth to break it (hence the vessel’s nickname). This was usually sufficient for all but the most Arctic conditions in London.

[PARENTHESIS: Did you know that the word "Arctic" comes from the Latin word for polar bear, "arcta." Arctic literally means "place where there are polar bears." Antarctic means "place where there are no polar bears." Now you know.]

Now, earlier this year I wrote about the frost fairs that were held on the Thames when it froze over in winter. The idea of the river freezing over sounds like the sort of thing that went out with breeches and snufftaking. In fact, the end of the frozen Thames can be put down to several factors. Firstly, and perhaps most importantly, the river flows that much faster these days. The construction of the Embankments north and south of the river has constrained it, which, if you recall your school physics lessons, speeds the flow up. The old London Bridge, which had lots of arches and waterwheels to slow things down, has been demolished and replaced twice – the new one allowing freer flow and also, interestingly, possessing heating elements for the road over it.

Industry since the dawn of the steam age has discharged a lot of hot water – and other products – into the Thames, raising the overall temperature. I would imagine residential and commercial premises, with their heating and lighting, are contributing factors as well – but I’m no scientist.

And down in South London, the draining of the Lambeth marshes (commemorated with the street called Lower Marsh in Waterloo) has meant that ice no longer forms along the banks there, preventing the freeze from getting a foothold, or whatever it is that freezes do.

That being said, I was surprised to learn how recent the last big freeze was. In fact, it was 1963. This was the coldest winter since 1740. Roads and railways were, as you might imagine, choked up. Rivers fared little better, and even the sea was frozen at Margate and Chatham (the Navy employed an icebreaker at the latter). The Thames, as you can see above in this view at Windsor, was no exception. At Oxford, one chap managed to drive a car across the river. The docks in London iced up like many others, driving prices of imported goods up. Kingston saw ice skating on the river, and bicycle races were held at Hampton. Below right may be seen boas iced up near Hampton Wick.

Will climate change result in us seeing another freeze like 1963, or are such sights finally confined to the history books? Well I don’t know.

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Filed under 19th century, 20th Century, Canals and Waterways, Current events, Disasters, East End and Docklands, Geography, History, Islington, Kingston, London, london bridge, Rambling on and on, Randomness, Rivers, Sports and Recreation, Suburbia, Thames, Transport, Waterloo and Southwark, Windsor and Eton

Link-o-rama

Prior to tomorrow’s actual entry, I’ve been surfing YouTube for documentary footage. I love old public information films and I can’t explain why. Here are some items that may be of interest to London-liking folk.



 - Blackfriars Bridge, 1896



 - London Bridge, thirty years later, in colour. Gives you a brief snapshot of just how busy the Pool of London was in those pre-war days.



 - The Houses of Parliament, 1926, again in colour. Surprisingly little has changed since this was filmed.



 - Some Bright Young Things in Hyde Park. This colour footage was all shot by Claude Friese-Green for a film called ‘The Open Road’.



 - Petticoat Lane, London. Some fine footage of what the gentleman-about-town was wearing in the Roaring Twenties. Hats, mostly.



 - Taking in the sights at St James’s Palace.



 - ‘Colour on the Thames’ from 1935. Highlights include Richmond and construction of the ugly Hungerford Bridge. The heavily industrialised Pool of London is unrecognisable but for the few landmarks that survive. As for the Docklands, you wouldn’t know it was the same place today.



 - The London Underground in 1963, including Upminster Depot, Loughton Station and signalling at Camden Town.



 - Coffee shops in London in the 1960s. Some fine footage of Soho. I particularly like the square narrator trying to be “down with the kids” and the supremely wooden proprietor complaining about overheads.



 - King’s Road, Chelsea, 1967.

That’s all for now, chums, but stay tuned tomorrow for another exciting installment of London Particulars! G’bye now!

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Filed under 19th century, 20th Century, Arts, Buildings and architecture, Camden, chelsea, East End and Docklands, Film and TV, Food, Geography, History, Kingston, London, london bridge, London Underground, Psychogeography, Richmond and Twickenham, Shopping, Soho, Suburbia, Thames, The City, Transport, Waterloo and Southwark, Weird shops, West End, Westminster

Medieval madness!

When you’re in London, Oxford Street is supposed to be The Place for Shopping, which is why I can’t stand it – it’s always full of slow-moving people and the shops are frankly pretty dull. Unfortunately, today I had to do some shopping and my local shops couldn’t provide. As Westfield is believed to be evil, according to
http://londonparticulars.wordpress.com/2009/05/30/early-objections-to-westfield-london/
, I thought I would brave Kingston.

Kingston, which I was sad to learn was not the subject of the UB40 song ‘Kingston Town’, is a pretty good place to shop, and though it does have many of the disadvantages of Oxford Street, it’s less overwhelming. Plus they have a Shakeaway there, a shop that is an invitation to ruin. If you’re not familiar with this company, basically it’s a chain of milkshake shops that will put pretty much anything into a blender and turn it into a milkshake. I, for instance, had a milkshake containing treacle tart and custard, and spent the next hour or so on a sugar high. I strongly suspect the company started out as an idea someone had when they were stoned.

When I’d bought what I came to buy, I had a quick stroll around the old part of town. Kingston is actually a very old place, dating back to the Roman era. Seven of the Saxon kings were supposedly crowned here. There are a few relics of earlier ages still visible. For instance:

IMG_0544What you see here is the Clattern Bridge. This crosses the Hogsmill River, which is nothing to do with Harry Potter. The side visible between the buildings dates from the thirteenth century – the bridge as a whole was widened in the nineteenth.

bridge

Here’s a view of the bridge from the river side. I’ve seen this location used on TV to represent a country village. It’s also a wildfowl sanctuary, albeit quite a small one.

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Here are some fishes on the other side of the bridge. Not that that’s got anything to do with medieval Kingston, I just thought I’d take a photo of some fish.

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This is the Lovekyn Chapel. It’s nowhere near the Clattern Bridge, but it’s pretty notable anyway. It was founded in 1309 by a gentleman named Edward Lovekyn, who had been Lord Mayor of London and is, according to Wikipedia, “the only private chantry chapel to survive the Reformation.” So screw you, Henry VIII. The chapel is now part of Kingston Grammar School.

This is probably the most important artefact:IMG_0543

 

It’s the Coronation Stone. According to a combination of history and mythology, no less than seven kings have been crowned on this, and a friend of mine ennobled it further by drunkenly urinating on it. No monarchist he.

The first king crowned there was Edward the Elder, which is a dreadful thing to call a baby. Still, his first wife was Ecgwynn and his second Aelfflaed, so I suppose it could have been worse. Among other things he conquered Essex, the fool.

The second was Athelstan the Glorious, who is now largely forgotten despite the fact that he was the first king to rule all of England and in general seems to have been pretty damn good as kings go. His reign lasted from 924 to 939, meaning that he was so obscure that the Monty Python team felt they could get away with putting King Arthur in his place in ‘The Holy Grail’. Poor sod.

Edmund I was the third king crowned there, and again did not seem to be bad at his job. He made peace with Scotland and increased the number of monasteries in England, but was assassinated by a thief named Leofa. To give you some idea of how history remembers Edmund, one of the titles by which he is known is “Edmund the Deed-Doer.” Oh yes. Edmund gets things done.

Edred came next, and sticks in my mind for the fact that one of his biggest enemies was a Norwegian named Eric Bloodaxe, who tried to conquer Northumbria. Now, Edred, demonstrating that perhaps he should be known as Edred of the Brass Balls, decided that he wasn’t going to stand for this, invaded Northumbria and wrecked the place up. Bloodaxe ran crying to Mama. Incidentally, his brother was known as Haakon the Good, which can’t have done much for the Bloodaxe street cred.

Edwy or Eadwig followed, and he was just rubbish.

Next up was Edward the Martyr, and again, not very good. During his reign, the nobles in the North of England were all marching around like they owned the place. Edward was assassinated under unknown circumstances, and became the centre of a cult.

This cult didn’t help Ethelred the Unready, who wasn’t prepared for any of this. He was the last of the Kingston kings. One of his children was Edmund Ironside, who went on to become a detective in San Francisco.

I should present documentaries, I really should.

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Filed under Buildings and architecture, Churches, Crime, History, Kingston, London, Medieval London, Notable Londoners, Photos, Rambling on and on, Randomness, Roman London, Shopping, Suburbia, Thames

Go West, young man

By happy coincidence, shortly after writing the last entry, I found myself heading into the Western suburbs, or the “wild west” as they are popularly known. I figured I could take some photos to illustrate the last entry, which was visually very lacking. But I also found some other items of interest.

img_0386Fans of Culture Club may recognise this boat. It was used in the video for ‘Karma Chameleon’ and is available to hire from Turk Launches of Kingston. Boy George lied to you – that video wasn’t filmed in Mississippi at all.

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Teddington School. A number of Yr. Humble Chronicler’s friends went there (as children, not recently). Probably the most famous pupil of recent years was someone called Keira Knightley, to whom they have actually put up a plaque. A friend holds the distinction of having actually turned Keira Knightley down when she asked him out. To be fair, at the time the only big thing she’d done was The Phantom Menace, and it’s not like you want to be known as someone who dated a minor cast member in that. For those of you who are interested, she played Sabe. I’m not sure which one that was, but she was one of the people whose job was to look like Natalie Portman.

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Teddington Studios has had so many famous comedians that they can actually use blue plaques as wall decoration. Some of the names commemorated here include Tony Hancock, Sid James, Benny Hill, Tommy Cooper and Kenny Everett.

Interesting fact about blue plaques: anyone can put one up. I thought there was some sort of law, but turns out not. If you really wanted to stand out, you could even hang one on your house. Then people could look at it and say, “Wow, I’ve never heard of them!”

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The weir at Teddington Lock, limit of tide.

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Fans of Monty Python may get a vague twinge of recognition at this. This is where the Fish Slapping Dance was filmed. The event is commemorated with, yes, a blue plaque. It’s just visible there in the window, having been presented to the lock keeper by Michael Palin.

Behind that is the boatyard of the Tough Bros., who were among the organisers of Operation Dynamo during the Second World War. Operation Dynamo was the occasion when, following a spectacular defeat at the Battle of Dunkirk, it became necessary to evacuate thousands of Allied troops. In a strategy believed to have been borrowed from an Ealing comedy, 0ver 700 “little ships” were pressed into service. Everything seaworthy, from tramp steamers down to fishing boats, from pleasure cruisers to private yachts, took part. The end result was not only a successful evacuation, but a perverse propaganda triumph for the Allies. The wonderfully-named Tough Brothers assembled over 100 of the final total at their wharf.

img_0401Peg Woffington Cottages. Margaret Woffington was a star of the stage in the 18th century, one of the best-known actresses of her day and apparently something of a hottie.magwof It is known that she moved to Teddington after 1744, following a celebrity split with David Garrick, but it’s not clear exactly where she was. The above cottages are one popular suggestion. In their defence, it’s no less likely than anywhere else. Let them have their fun. Also, I’m told the tea room that is now there does some excellent cakes.

 

Search term that brought people here:

“bald headed old men”

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Filed under 18th century, 20th Century, Arts, Film and TV, History, Kingston, London, Notable Londoners, Photos, Rambling on and on, Randomness, Suburbia, Thames, Transport

Hampton Wick’s Contribution to the English Language

Approaching Hampton Wick from Kingston Bridge.

Approaching Hampton Wick from Kingston Bridge.

Really, you’d think that you couldn’t get much further from Cockney rhyming slang than the Hamptons in West London. The Hamptons is a label applied to various bits of the London Borough of Richmond. There’s Hampton itself, Hampton Court, Hampton Hill and Hampton Wick. As a general rule, they tend to be pretty wealthy. I tend to get hurried along whenever I’m passing through in case my presence lowers property values. Having said that, they are very pleasant places, and in many areas retain their village atmosphere.

The Swan, Hampton Wick

The Swan, Hampton Wick

I suspect that the name “Hampton” was just slapped on to anywhere local that didn’t have a name yet. Hampton Court, fairly obviously, is named after the palace built by Cardinal Wolsey and handed over to Henry VIII as a “please don’t kill me” gift. Hampton Hill is, as you might imagine, built on a hill, albeit not a very steep one. It was originally built to house workers on the nearby sewage treatment plants, so residents have no business getting uppity.

Hampton Wick, though, has a less obvious derivation. What, exactly, is a “wick”? There are two possible explanations.

1. It could denote a dairy farm.

2. It could denote a trading port. This latter seems a bit more likely, as the position on the river and the Roman ford that once existed here would make this place ideal for trade.

Hampton Wick Station is popular with students. This is in part due to its proximity to the major town of Kingston (literally across the river), excellent for shopping and possessing some truly terrible but inexplicably popular nightspots, but also because the station has no ticket barriers and is unmanned. Not that I’m condoning fare-dodging, mark you.

Hampton Wick Station. A thing of beauty is a joy forever.

Hampton Wick Station. A thing of beauty is a joy forever.

Hampton Wick’s major claim to fame, as I hinted in at the start of this entry, is its place in the lexicon of rhyming slang. “Hampton” was once a euphemism for a certain portion of the male anatomy (the penis), due to “Hampton Wick” rhyming with no less than two slang terms for said organ. The Goon Show featured a character named “Hugh Jympton” as a means of getting past the censors, largely for the hell of it.

Spam of the day:

“I read your posts for a long time and should tell that your posts always prove to be of a high value and quality for readers.”

Thank you, anonymous computer programme with advertising link in its name!

Search terms that brought people here:

“Camden Town”, “28 Days Later”, “gandalf from behind”, “hathi penis yoga”

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Filed under 20th Century, Geography, History, Kingston, London, Suburbia, Thames, Transport, Tudor London

Surviving Kingston

Heck of a lot to talk about in tomorrow’s scheduled post.  Nights out in Brixton and days out in Acton. Bet you can’t wait. Anyway, in the meantime, here’s how you survive Saturday night in Kingston-Upon-Thames.bentalls-2

Kingston is quite an expensive place to live in, but due to the fact that it’s one of the best shopping centres in West London (I haven’t visited that big new one yet, but fellow blogger Sinan informs me that it “democratises luxury,” not his words), has a lot of pubs and clubs and is well served by public transport, it becomes about the most chav-heavy place in West London every Saturday night.

I know several people who have been beaten up there, and on the one and only occasion when I’ve been involved in a fight I was near Kingston Bridge. I didn’t actually realise it was a fight, I was just trying to stop the guy hitting me. Have to admit I was pretty lashed at the time, one of my friends fancied the girl who was selling vodka shots in the club and so kept buying us rounds. But I digress.

As a general rule, if someone suggests a night out in Kingston, unless it’s out of the town centre (the Cocoanut is a good pub out of the town centre), I will turn them down. And if I’m going home late on Saturday, I try to avoid passing through Kingston if at all possible. If I do have to, there are certain tips that make survival more likely, and these I present to you here.

1. They rarely move any faster than a brisk stagger, so can usually be outrun.

2. Remember: an open area is a safe area. A street with lots of turns and few obstacles will allow for a quick escape. A narrow alley, on the other hand, presents the possibility of your being cornered.

3.  The main weapon at the chav’s disposal, knives aside, is numbers. Steer clear of crowded spaces.

4. Do not be afraid to shoot them if you have to, but if you do, remember that you must remove the head or destroy the brain.

5. Your weapon of choice should be the basic shotgun and a careful aim, although do not underestimate the shock value of a well-placed landmine.

6. If one of your party should be bitten, you have no choice but to execute them. Remember, you’re doing them a favour in the long run.nightzombies3

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Filed under Crime, Kingston, London