Electile dysfunction

Welp, it’s another election this Thursday. I’m not going to patronise you by telling you who to vote for, because frankly I’m having trouble deciding myself. I long for the days when the person you voted for actually mattered. These days, the parties that are likely to actually win are utterly indistinguishable. It’s all publicity and populism. If Labour win, can the workers expect a better deal? If the Conservatives win, can the rich start singing “Happy Days Are Here Again”? Of course not. Also, I hear the Pope is a Catholic. So what sort of alternatives do we have?


Whoa! Hold on! Who’s that guy? Why, it’s Nick Griffin, leader of the British National Party! Any relation of Peter Griffin? Who knows. Anyway, fuck this guy.

I’ll be honest, since the death of Screaming Lord Sutch, the British political landscape has been sorely lacking in humour, and until such a time as a worthy successor arises, the BNP fills that gap nicely. I have yet to meet a BNP member who wasn’t a small-minded inadequate. Let’s cut to the chase with the BNP policy on immigration:

“On current demographic trends, we, the native British people, will be an ethnic minority in our own country within sixty years.

To ensure that this does not happen, and that the British people retain their homeland and identity, we call for an immediate halt to all further immigration, the immediate deportation of criminal and illegal immigrants, and the introduction of a system of voluntary resettlement whereby those immigrants who are legally here will be afforded the opportunity to return to their lands of ethnic origin assisted by a generous financial incentives both for individuals and for the countries in question.

We will abolish the ‘positive discrimination’ schemes that have made white Britons second-class citizens. We will also clamp down on the flood of ‘asylum seekers’, all of whom are either bogus or can find refuge much nearer their home countries.”

Yeah, I really feel like a second-class citizen. I mean, Christ, white Britons only make up 87% of the population of England. What are the other 13% planning? 

Also, “all of whom are bogus”? What the fuck? Are they saying these people just, I don’t know, faked a war? Like, you know, maybe things are actually okay in Kosovo? Speaking as someone who’s actually worked with asylum seekers – that is to say, face-to-face in situations relating directly to their applications for asylum, not just having read what the Daily Mail heard about them – that’s one of the most offensive things I’ve ever read. And I’ve read Fu Manchu.

And all this bullshit about immigration – here’s a little economic breakdown. People want quality goods and services. People don’t want to pay much for these goods and services. How can the supplier afford to supply cheap goods and services? By paying lower wages. Who’s willing to do a crap job for crap pay? Immigrant workers.

Then there’s the fact that a lot of British workers work overseas, and a lot of major foreign companies operate here. If we started telling immigrants here to sod off, do the BNP honestly think other countries would be all, “Good job!” Of course not. They’d respond in kind. British companies operating overseas could almost certainly expect a metaphorical knee in the groin.

So, hey, if you’re willing to seriously mess up the economy because you don’t like foreigners, and if you’re willing to pay extra for menial labour, then by all means ban immigrants. Except… there’s another point…

Britain is founded on immigration. In case you haven’t noticed, we’re a fucking island (which is also why I take issue with the use of the word “borders” elsewhere on the BNP site). If we’d said no to immigration in the past, we’d have said no to George Frideric Handel, the Duke of Wellington, Oscar Wilde, Marc Isambard Brunel and many, many kings among others.  Which highlights another point – Britain, historically, has always had a large immigrant population. Elizabethan workshops were staffed by French and Dutch workers. Nineteenth century Limehouse was a Chinatown. In 1936, the Battle of Cable Street saw the East End’s various ethnic groups uniting in peace and harmony to kick the shit out of the British Union of Fascists.

This, in turn, brings up another point. What actually is an indigenous Briton? How could I prove that I’m not a mudblood, or whatever the BNP calls them? Fortunately, the BNP website offers us this handy definition.

“We use the term indigenous to describe the people whose ancestors were the earliest settlers here after the last great Ice Age and which have been complemented by the historic migrations from mainland Europe.

The migrations of the Celts, Anglo-Saxons, Danes, Norse and closely related kindred peoples have been, over the past few thousands years, instrumental in defining the character of our family of nations.”

What? So basically you’re a native Brit if your ancestors came over in the Ice Age, plus something about how immigration used to be okay back when it was centuries ago but it’s not okay now. Something like that.

In conclusion, don’t vote BNP because Christ imagine putting these people in charge of something important.

The BNP, as they view themselves.

The BNP, as they view themselves.The BNP, as everyone else views them.



Filed under Current events, History, Only loosely about London