Why, it’s Children In Need time again! The annual event when lots of celebrities go around making arses of themselves for a good cause. Of course, the event has its critics – there are those who say it’s financially inefficient and there are those who like to point out that it’s not bad publicity for the celebs taking part. Personally, I couldn’t give a damn either way. I prefer to spend my Friday night in a haze of opium smoke, knocking back laudanum and absinthe and consorting with prostitutes of both sexes.
Sorry, my blackened and ulcerous heart is showing through again. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t believe we should be helping children who are, in fact, in need. It’s just that I technically work for a children’s charity myself, and I get a little bit sick of this whole saccharine “for the kiddies” attitude. There, I said it.
One thing really bothers me, though, and that’s the chap you see above you. His name, if you don’t already know, is Pudsey Bear. Something I’ve always wondered is how the hell did he lose his eye? The Children in Need website is no help. Wikipedia’s got nothing. I’ve done a bit of research and come up with the following possibilities.
- One of the children in need was in need of an eye, and Pudsey’s was an exact tissue match. Pudsey did not want to appear a hypocrite and so had no choice but to donate.
- Pudsey has no eyes at all, but could only afford a single glass one.
- He accidentally wandered into Natasha Kaplinsky’s changing room and saw her terrible secret. He put his eye out with a spoon in horror, and would have done the other, but was restrained by the Sugababes.
- Terry Wogan slashed it open with a broken bottle in a fit of drunken rage.
There may be possibilities I haven’t covered, but these would seem to be the most likely.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/pudsey/ – Here’s the charity website.