Paedageddon, Facebook-style

I found something today so very worthy of attention that I can’t even be bothered to work out how it could be made to be on-topic. Because, you know, this blog is the epitome of journalistic integrity. So here, unashamedly, is an off-topic entry.

I have a friend who goes by many names, and the one on his birth certificate is probably the least believable. He drew my attention to a group on Facebook called – I kid you not – “STOP MEDICAL RESEARCH ON ANIMALS USE PAEDOPHILES.”

Having written an entry a couple of days ago dissing Pudsey Bear and noting that I work for a children’s charity, this entry will probably be enough to get me put on some sort of register, or at least get me torn apart like a dummy full of guts (Chris Morris REPRESENT!). But really, groups like this are alternately funny and disturbing. You read the things people write on them and it’s hilarious, but then you realise that no, this person genuinely believes the things they are saying. Here are some fine examples of what people have to say in the group.

Paedophiles never get punished enough they take something from children that can never be returned they break them wreck there lives at a young age so yes they should be used for medical research if there is no medical research use them as crash dummies either way as long as there dead at the end the world will be a better place.
Yep. Yeah. That’s a pretty well-informed opinion right there. I suppose I should just get this out of the way – I don’t think I’m a grammar Nazi per se, but I always think a mad, foaming rant loses its impact when the author doesn’t know the difference between “their,” “there” and “they’re.” Along those lines…
The Branding Is A Cert!!!
A Nice Bold Tattoo On The Forehead ” I’M A PEADO”
This Should Be Their Punishment! All The Goverment Would Have To Do Is Throw Them Back Into The Population…… Then Sit back And Watch The Fireworks.
“Excuse me, what’s a ‘peado?'” Also, I Know You’re Not Sure Where The Capital Letter Is Supposed To Go, But Here’s A Clue. It’s Not Everywhere.
They deserve slow painful torture, being humuliated in front of everyone. A very slow harsh death!!!!!!they knock me sick, the filthy bastards!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
To quote Terry Pratchett, “Multiple exclamation marks. The sure sign of a diseased mind.” As is this:
They should be castrated, then fucked in the ass with a molton iron rod.
I’m sorry, who did you say was a sicko pervert again? I mean, are you volunteering to do this? Is this what you want to see happening?
Perhaps I should explain myself here. I’m as anti-child-molestation as the next guy. But these rants come across as, frankly, way psycho. I mean, some of these people have really thought about what they’d like to do. Possibly late at night, trousers down if you know what I mean. Take this, for instance.
They should be put into the General Population in Prison. And Let the Men there deal with the Baby rapers. Or a shot to the head a Bullet is only a few cents. As a Matter of fact I volunteer to supply the Bullets. So the cost is now $ 0.00 to the Taxpayers. Problem solved. Or they should stuff there penises with Red Hot Peppers and sew it into there ass cracks. Or they should butter up a flag pole and stick there ass at the top and let gravity do the rest. Or they should cut a glory hole into the door on a microwave oven. And make them stick there sex organs in it. Far a few hours.
Or they should cut down a tree waste high, and nail there peckers to it with a wide head nail . Then put a rusty metal spork there and leave them.So they can die of thirst and starvation. Or they can saw there peckers off with a rusty spork. He he. Or …I could go on and on.
No, you already have gone on and on. Incidentally, the chap who wrote this rant is, judging by his profile pic, a father himself. So hey, kid, that’s what your dad thinks about on the quiet. Pretty cool, huh? Witness also:
the only way to stop these dirty vermins is to cut off their peckers so they cant use it on children rip out their eyes so they can never perve on any kids again and then cut off their hands so they cant use them physically on a child.

wot about victims human rights its always pedophiles/molesters that get special treatment who the hell made them king/queen they are PURE EVIL they all should rot and burn in hell where they belong the dirty stinking rotters.

victims should have more human rights then these dirty fuckers.

a dog that attacks a human it faces instant death sentence well i say same should apply to these feral freaks. (sick and tired of the dumb judges and do-gooders)

Jesus, the only way this could be more brimming with rage is if the woman typing it started headbutting the keyboard. If you started talking like that about, say, burglars, you’d be regarded as a Talibanesque fascist. Except for the slightly incongruous “dirty stinking rotters.” I didn’t know the Famous Five had Internet access, but now I do. Also, that “sick and tired of all the dumb judges and do-gooders” comment is making me wonder if this might be the birth of a new superhero. Like Rorschach, only functionally illiterate.
this citty is afrade of me. i hav seen it’s true face. teh streets r xtended guttrs and the guttrs r full of blud & wen the dranes finlally skab over all teh vermin will dronw.
teh acumilated filth of all there sex & mudrer will fome up abotu there wastes & all the hores and politish pollytic politisians will look up & shout save us
& ill look down & wisper
no 😦
God damn I’m going to get funding for this thing if it kills me.
Anyway. Sidetracks aside, I think what annoys me most about this group is the sheer pious hypocrisy of it. Groups like this, whether on Facebook or elsewhere, exist primarily so that respectable, decent, hardworking folk can find some “valid” outlet for their own desires which, as you can see, are as bloodthirsty and perverted as any paedophile could dream up.
I’m not a believer of capital punishment as too many innocent people were wrongly sent to the gallows but for people who abuse children and wreck there lives it should be brought back, especially in an age where DNA and forensics removes all possible doubt.
This contribution says it all. Translated: “I’m a good, caring, thoughtful sort of fellow, but secretly violence gives me a boner.”
In conclusion, yes, convicted paedophiles don’t deserve an easy sentence. There’s no denying that child molestation is a repulsive crime, and I can see why people get emotional about it. But how about you wipe the foam from your chin, take a few steps back and start thinking like an adult, twenty-first century, non-psycho human for a little while? Chill out, have a drink. And enjoy this double-page spread from the Daily Mail.
Here’s an idea
If I didn’t work for a children’s charity, I’d love to start a Facebook group called “Support Your Local Paedophile.” I wonder how many fury-induced heart attacks would ensue? Maybe we could get the tabloids in on this.
Further Reading
If you’ve read those quotes (or got someone to read them to you) and you still think, “Yes, I want to go on about ripping into another human being like a wolf on a chicken when in reality I wouldn’t even pipe up if someone pushed in front of me in the queue at Tesco,” then the actual group is Enjoy, and remember to close your mouth in the shower.


Filed under Crime, Not even trying to be on-topic, Rambling on and on

2 responses to “Paedageddon, Facebook-style

  1. Interesting article. I agree with most of what you’ve said but I think you’re wrong about all the haters being motivated by secret sexual fantasies for torture. The real motivation is a LOT more controversial than that!

    Until about 30 years ago, it was still acceptable to hate people just because they were different from you. And since there were a lot of people who were different for one reason or another, your hate got spread out thinly over a lot of groups.

    Nowadays, you can’t hate people for being a different race, or a different sex, or a different sexuality, etc. In fact the ONLY groups it’s now acceptable to hate are paedophiles and MPs. This means all our hatred that should have been spread as widely and thinly as possible is instead being focussed and concentrated onto a small number of people, with the inevitable consequences.

    What we need is a return to healthy, old-fashioned racism, chauvinism, etc. and the problem will solve itself. After all, hatred is, and always will be, a natural part of the human psyche. We can never get rid of it; we just have to limit the damage by stopping it becoming too heavily focussed too small a target.

    • jez stevens

      An interesting comment – in light of the recent banking fiasco – paedophiles may now have been demoted to second place as the most reviled members of society.

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