A hiatus

I have to apologise for this entry, I’m afraid it’s not going to be particularly enlightening and most likely won’t even be funny either. I’m not at my best right now.

I found out yesterday that my grandpa has passed away. Not under any particularly tragic circumstance – he was in his nineties, most people don’t even make that. But still, it came as a shock. I’d just become so used to him being there that the idea that one day he might not be had never occurred to me. Not in any serious way, anyway. Stupid, I know. No one lives forever.

I’m not very good at emotional stuff – I got the call on the way to work. Somewhat stunned, and unable quite to process what I’d heard, I went in anyway. Didn’t tell anyone at work about it, beyond hinting that I’d had some bad news. Didn’t get anything done, either. Might as well have not gone in. I have no idea what my thought process was. Then I got home and had chocolate cake for dinner, because really, why the hell not?

Today I felt a little better, and was able to use my usual coping mechanism of making stupid jokes about everything (like the guy on the right). I also took a long walk down Oxford Street, in theory because I knew I had nothing in the line of funeral wear that wouldn’t hang off me like a sail. In practice, though, it had more to do with the need for a long walk.

Anyway, I have no idea what to do with this entry now. I didn’t really intend to write a self-indulgent emotional entry. Actually, I didn’t intend to write any entry at all, beyond a “we apologise for the inconvenience, normal service will be resumed as soon as possible”-type announcement.

Just assume that’s what I did, yeah?

Now

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5 Comments

Filed under Current events, Not even trying to be on-topic

5 responses to “A hiatus

  1. Jim Birch

    Best wishes. My father died just over two years ago – it’s an odd time. In the end, life goes on.

    At risk of sounding supercilious, there’s physical death of a embodied personality, and there’s an ongoing legacy of emotions, stories and associations that persists. In the former there is unequivocal loss. In the latter, there’s actually no real problem, except the need to forgive the person for no longer being available – or actually, being less available – to add to the narrative. (See Hofstater’s book “I am a Strange Loop” for a fuller discussion.)

    I left my father’s funeral feeling the blessing of a great personal association, and the knowledge that he remains very much with me, not in any physical or spiritual sense, but as the collection of attitudes, interests, and pleasures that he passed along to me, and others around him.

    • TGW

      I agree with this, actually. To me, as someone who doesn’t believe in an afterlife, the positive of the end of life is the legacy of knowledge, influence and fond memories that persist after the sadness has passed.

  2. Elizabeth

    I’m so sorry. Tell us about your grandpa?

    Elizabeth

  3. My condolences
    Death is never easy to deal with so big virtual hugs.
    I would offer to take you out but I’ll be in hospital for a while

  4. My condolences, it is sad having an empty space where your grandpa used to be.

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